Where is Home?

I’m in a strange state of mind currently.  I had intended to write with extreme excitement over the acquisition of my own home.  And I shall write of it – it is a beautiful and calm sanctuary at the edge of a pool of water as clear as crystal.  It is small but warm and inviting and I love it.  Now I know, that no matter where I end up in this world, even if I end up home in Lórien, I will always have somewhere to stay here in my adopted home.

But the euphoria of this has been dampened somewhat by coming upon life-changing information, by which I am still shocked.  Nothing is wrong with me, I am not sick or in danger.  I’ve simply had information about myself and my life that was unknown to me revealed.  I’m rather sad, now, that my father and mother left for the West without me.  I have questions of them.

I have choices to make.  I know in my heart what I will choose.  

I know what I am - who I am. And what I must be.

If there ever was a time I missed my home…  It is now.

Happiness and Ire

I’ve returned to Rivendell.  I’m just waiting now to find Thalya and continue on the quest we have been given.  There will be much explaining to do, I’m sure.  After spending the night in Bree, I spent the entirety of yesterday as well.  Disappearing in the hours before dawn two days ago, and returning far after dusk last night is going to cause me problems, I’m sure.

Actually…  I’m not sure whether I should go find Thalya.  Maybe I should let her find me.

I should feel rather bad about having done this.  And rather bad that this is not the first time I’ve gone missing without explanation.  But I do not feel that way – instead, I still feel elated.  Despite my tendency towards insubordination and my defiant nature.

However atypical this nature is to our kind, I cannot help being who I am.  I’m sure those who know me best understand.  I hope all is well at home, and that everyone is in good health and good spirits. It’s time for me to go and face the consequences of my actions.

Bree

The time I had in Bree was short but I am very happy.  Visiting and conversation with someone around whom I have not spent time in many months was wonderful.  The entire time, not worry having about anything was a most welcome change.  I’m acutely aware of how different I have become, but also of how much I’m still rather the same.  It was surprising to find I’m still able to be free and relaxed, and put heavy and violent memories out of my mind. After so much darkness, light is a little blinding.

I would have liked to spend more time, though I am already aware that I spent more time than I should have.  I had intended to spend a day and return to Rivendell that evening. However, when night fell I decided to say “Actually, I’ll stay here tonight.”  Maybe that was rather a bad choice, now I am absolutely sure I will be missed and known to have disappeared.

Going missing for this purpose, I believe, was worth probably invoking quite a bit of ire.  Because now I remember more clearly why I started out on this journey.  And who I was when I arrived.  That is a choice I’m willing to stand behind.  And I’m happy, now, which might end up making me more focused – that’s good, isn’t it?  It’s strange and nice that being in someone else’s company can change one’s mood in such a drastic way.

Actually, I’m very happy.  I’m glad to be able to write with good news, rather than reporting on such disturbing and frightening experiences as I have lately.

Namárië.  Don’t worry about me – I’m well.

 

The Prancing Pony

Having arrived slightly hungry, thirsty and with quite a lot of nervous energy, I stopped by the most raucous tavern I know – the Prancing Pony in Bree.  Several people of my acquaintance are known to be here on occasion, but tonight seemed uncommonly quiet.

I was able to eat my meal (which… wasn’t phenomenal, but I hate to admit it – Men do not have food that suits my tastes very well), and wash it down with a mug of delicious beer, getting rid of that hungry feeling. It unfortunately did nothing for the nerves.

I don’t know why I feel this way.  Visiting old friends is never such an exercise in apprehension.  I suppose now, I have a few unknowns – I look much different.  Some say “older,” or “more elven.”  I’m the same general person…  Am I not?  Just dressed in neutral toned elven armor, or formal robes.  I suppose it’s far from a spiky haired girl in Bree-land styled boy’s clothing running around collecting things and exploring places.  But I’m still the same me…

Namárië.

 

 

 

Spirited Away

 

It’s dark.  People are sleeping or resting at the very least. I have some business to attend to.  Something I have been putting off for far too long.  I feel rather nervous at setting out for this, what could perhaps become two days.  Leave Thalya temporarily abandoned, though I’m sure she won’t feel that way. But I have to go.

I know a spell to find my way from here to Esteldin.  Where I must pick a few things up.  And then, the same will transport me to the gates of Bree.  From there…  I’m not sure what I will be doing.  I feel light inside, though, within this landscape of darkness that stretches in every direction you can look.

If your heart is light, the darkness is easy to keep out.  Maybe that’s what I’m going to find.

 

Namárië.

The False King

 

Shortly after we toppled the giant, Luthiel seemed a little confused as to what was going on. We all stood around waiting for something do do, frankly, until a creature appeared in a scarlet robe under which you could see no face, no hands… like a stylish Nazgül.

He had her father with him, too sickly to do anything but lay on the ground.  Lorniel was beside herself with worry and anger, and we tried to fight her behalf, and to save her father. It was a grueling battle both mentally and physcially, watching such mental suffering between father and daughter and trying to keep focused on The False King and his taunts and challenges.

After he had apparently been bored by letting us beat on him, he fled behind a gate leaving Lorniel dead, and her father barely alive.  We took him to Gath Forthnir along with the heavy news we bore.

Thalya and I both asked if there was anything that could be done to help, and were given a task which involved collecting the father’s old gear, to make it like new again.  This sounded easier said than done.

 

To spare a lot of boring and mundane details, we ran around different places in various parts of THE WORLD, not just a city, from Thorin’s Hall to Esteldin to Rivendell, from Rivendell to Gath Forthnir. And after this Adventure, I saw that Thalya might look a little tired.  And that I might try to slip away.   I have something I very, very much want to go do.  Soon.  Now.

Giant Problems

The assignment given to us was to protect a girl on her way to search for her father, through a VERY dangerous part of Carn Dûm.  Honestly, I have no idea why she thought she could do it alone if she couldn’t find some brave volunteers, but once someone is family, you will do just about anything for them.  That in mind, none of us found it in our hearts to resist her plea for help.  

We found ourself fighting off surges of… Angmarim high priests, they call themselves.  I’m rather confused – high priest of?  Anyhow, as we fought, and fought, there appeard, rather near Thalya and myself (relatively) a huge, drooling, foul smelling, roaring giant.  We got away.  The rest of the group turned their attention towards the lumbering monster when the last Angmarim was put down, and with the combined effort of Rootbeerien and her guild, we were able to make fast work of the giant.

Anything could happen, now, I have a feeling this break is very short.   Yes, time to get up.

 

Namárië.

The Unwilling

 

Occasionally I have time to read, study and be alone.  It feels good from time to time to sit down and return to the life I used to have, in a way… But there is too much to do and see, here.  Perhaps it is in my blood.  Through my interest in the past, and subsequent studies, I’ve discovered the source of my rather unique name.  My ancestors were called the Avari, The Unwilling – having refused the summons of the Valar to dwell in Valinor.  I suppose that answers the question of my unique name, and rather amuses me, given the path in life I’ve chosen.  Whether this was known when I was given this name is unclear, but I have certainly lived up to its origin.

How strange it is to have changed so quickly, after a lifetime.  Nothing is certain anymore, and I feel very comfortable with that. Someday I know I will return, I am lonely sometimes, for the company of those among whom I lived out many long years.  But I feel, like my forebears, unwilling to depart entirely. So much is happening right now, I’ll write as soon as I can.  Sometimes I feel compelled to avail you of my thoughts — I keep my them private from those with whom I now associate. I hope everyone is well – I miss you.

Urugarth

Greetings once again, from Urugarth, deep within Angmar.  This is just about as far away from the pleasant bustle of Bree or the quiet and peace of Rivendell. The water and sky are shades of ominous, sickly green and there’s an enormous orange moon overhead.  All around there are mountainous crags, even the structures of this stronghold are heavy, gloomy, and evil.

Aside from the surroundings, the entire compound is crawling with trolls and orcs.  Thalya and I came here with others to destroy the altars devoted to Urugarth’s idols, and defeat several legendary orcs.  That doesn’t sound too hard, does it?  So far, progress has been faster than anticipated but every turn brings something new.  

I send my love to everyone at home.

Namárië.