The Bay of Forochel

My warmest greetings from Forochel! You have my apologies for a sudden departure and a long absence. My obligations led me to go with Thalya to the far northern extreme of the world – the shores of the Bay of Forochel.  I would be dishonest, though, if I did not say that part of my departure was for personal reasons. There are some things with which it is too painful and upsetting to deal.

It is beautiful here, but harsh – the air is thin and painfully cold, and the landscape is bleak. The Men of this land are hostile and suspicious of outsiders, though they have given us shelter and appropriate clothing of fur and leather.  I will soon be making the long journey southeast, back towards the depths of Moria. Perhaps I will return for a while, I have unanswered questions and family business.

Though you may think otherwise, you are my friends.  My family. I think of you all often though I’ve only been gone a short time.  And here, it’s hard to keep my thoughts away from this freezing cold.

Namárië.

Forochel

Haarland —

I apologize for the infrequency of my communication.  My family, my friends… none of them know where I’ve gone.  It was easier that way, and I’m not sure what I will tell them — I have yet to write to them, as it makes me feel somewhat self-conscious. I have my reasons for leaving, with more questions than answers.

I am in Forochel, a frozen wasteland at the end of the world, north of Evendim — we had drawn close, together, when we were at Tínnudir, if you can remember. Never in my life have I been this cold.  Lorien, for the most part, is always comfortable… but here… it is bone chillingly cold. 

However. it is so beautiful… The sky is filled with aurorae in shimmering hues of blue, green, purple, white… all across the sky.  The snow and the sky light up the land in a permanent twilight at night.  During the day, the silence of the ice and snow make me feel like I’m alone in the entire world.

The Lossoth (the Men of this land) are hostile and unwelcoming, but have allowed Thalya and I some brief moments of hospitality , trading with us for thick bearskin cloaks to wear against the biting wind.  I do not know exactly why we are here, I go to these places under the assumption that Thalya knows what she is doing. 

I think of you often. These thoughts are what keeps me warm in this bleak environment. I hope you are well, and happy.

Namárië.

 

(Valaraen)

Lothlórien

 

Haarland-

I promised I would write when I arrived, and here I am, safely within my homeland. I admit I am very apprehensive about this entire situation – I have not been gone long, though it feels like I have.  Very, very soon I am returning to my home to see my family, and I’m not sure what they are going to say to me when I arrive. Maybe they’re going to be embarrassed, or disappointed. I’ve forgone my previous life, in many ways, for a new one.

This, Lothlórien, is my home. Until I  arrived in Ered Luin (shortly before we met), I had never ventured outside these golden woods, if you can imagine that. We do not often leave this place of sparkling water, stone paths and verdant greenery. The gardens and pathways lead further into the cool, silvery blue shade of the forest. Within, there are lush gardens with streams flowing into small, still pools, surrounded by arbors fashioned of graceful tree branches.  And above rise the towering silver and gold Mallorn trees in which we live, under a the canopy of leaves and branches.

I suppose the idea of living in trees for thousands of years is rather absurd and probably humorous. I only wish I could bring you to the land of my birth to show it to you myself.

I hope you are happy in Rivendell. I regret being unable to remain there.

 

(Valaraen)

A New Life

This is possibly the last letter you will receive from me before I return home! I am currently in Rivendell, preparing to travel back to Moria in a few short hours, and then press forward via the fastest route possible to emerge through the gates to Lothlorien. It will take some time, but I will be there relatively quickly, I hope. As much as I now long to see the gold and silver light of home, I do not want to leave. 

A dear friend of mine fell out of favor with a group of criminals in Bree. He desperately called out to me for help, and I came to him. I found him badly injured and presumably left to languish and die in the Lone Lands, where he begged to be taken somewhere he would not be found.

So I brought Haarland to Rivendell. This place is calm and beautiful, far from the danger and loneliness and suffering I feel as though I caused when I disappeared all that time ago. He wants a new life, here, and I will give one to him. I took him to a small island in the middle of an all but hidden spring in the northern area of Rivendell, and after gaining permission, told him that he could stay here as long as he would like.

Having been able to do this makes me unspeakably happy. And we stood there under the stars, speechless. He seemed as though he wished to say something, but chose to remain silent. So, I told him to rest and that I would be gone in the morning, and gave him one of the two mallorn leaves I have carried since I left home.

I am now writing this letter, which will reach home before I do.  But I promise, there will be no delay this time.  I will be home with as much haste as Thalya and I can manage. I don’t even care whether she will be furious with me. I’ve done what I feel in my heart and soul is the right thing to do.

Into Moria

 

Warmest regards from the cold, damp chambers of Moria.  Thalya and I rode from Mirobel last night, and descended into the depths of this vast, overwhelming place.  It’s unbelievable – for all these long years I’ve heard of this place, read the books, even seen drawings…  But I cannot even begin to comprehend the massive scale of this abandoned underground world.  It is as if the ancient dwarves who dwelt here were building a temple to themselves… yet keeping their mines close by to satisfy their obsessive need for material riches.

And the bridges…  Long, arching rock bridges over fissures in the rock that seem bottomless.  Perhaps they are. But the horrifying part is this – they do not have railings. If you slip, you fall into the abyss. How could someone have created this architectural travesty in an environment such as this?

I do not think that the dark secrets of the past have gone away, just because they were shut away. I do think that opening the way in, to that which was sealed, was astonishingly foolish. I can feel this cold feeling in my chest, the feeling that something is not right with this place. 

We are not yet far from the entrance. Still close enough to flee, should we need to. But I am keeping in mind that Lórien is on the other side of this abhorrent labyrinth.  I was reluctant to visit home… but I can think of nothing but how much I want to leave this place and breathe the air outside.

Namárië.

The School

My regards from Echad Mirobel…  This picturesque place is built into the mountainside in the far reaches of Eregion. The idyllic afternoon sky under which I stand is rather deceiving. Though they should be, my spirits are not high, though I have been moderately successful in throwing myself into the dangers of routing the Uruk-hai from the ruined confines of the school on the hill. I thought perhaps I would feel some release of my sadness through this epic encounter, but I was wrong.

It is dimly lit and given in to the decay of time, but once, the building must have been beautiful. Its beauty remains only as an echo. A welcoming place it was not. It was overrun with the servants of the Enemy, evil Men given in to the lust for power, wealth or bloodshed, and the Uruk-hai captains under whose power they were held.  I will not speak of the events that came to pass within those cold and mossy walls, it is unsavory enough to have been a party to it. 

There were but three of us – at Echad Mirobel, we allied ourselves with a like-minded individual by the name of Curutian and made our way to the ruins of the seminary . This deed was a long and arduous battle, but at the end, the school’s halls were once again devoid of any living creatures but us.  Upon return to Mirobel, we parted ways with heartfelt thanks and respect for our ally.

And now, a much deserved rest.  I am alone with my thoughts and my loneliness and the colors of the setting sun upon the clouds. My hope is that this letter finds you all in good health and happiness.

Return to Echad Eregion

My greetings to you all.  We seem stuck here in Hollin, at Echad Eregion, again.  As if I brought the rain with me, it is gray and cloudy here, as it was in Andrath from whence I last wrote.  Thalya and I are counting down the final days here, above ground, I think.  We shall soon travel to Mirobel to fulfill a request, and from there… From there I believe we will travel, at last, to Moria.

I cannot say this is something to which I am looking forward. But an avalanche has rendered Caradhras impassable, as if to force us underground for this long journey.  My heart does not feel any less heavy, but I’ve done my best to hide my feelings.  As we readied for our journey, Thalya asked what had gotten into me.  

I thought I could feel my heart breaking, and for a moment I almost lost control, put my arms around Thalya and cry and cry and told the whole story. But I kept composure, detachment, though I think my sadness is showing through. I said “I feel like… I feel like it’s never going to stop raining.” She stopped for a moment and turned towards me.  She looked into my eyes and told me “Rain is a blessing.”

Maybe it is.  It is as though I do not have to cry my own tears. And when I do, they wash down my face unnoticed. 

Please do not worry about me – I shall do my best to overcome this. Namárië.

Rain

It’s raining in Andrath right now.

I lay here, silent, in the wet grass, and I feel and hear the rain falling all around me. And now I’ve come to realize that I’ve become someone different.  What I did today, without thinking, was an uncontrolled reaction to my feelings. A passionate desire, almost an instinct, to protect someone to whom I feel I am bound. But I feel as though all I have done is prove how far away I now am. This cannot be undone, though all I painfully wish is to regain what I’ve lost. To regain a missing sense of happiness to warm how cold I feel inside.

My heart aches and I want nothing more than to lay here in the grass forever, looking up into the dark, green trees of this land. Can this rain not wash away the hurt and pain and darkness?  How long must I lay here? And I wonder… if this what mortality feels like. All these long years I have lived without the feeling that I cannot control my own actions.  I may be impulsive, but never before have I been dangerously careless and blinded by emotion . Can anyone live like this?

You will not recognize me, now.  Nobody can – not even those I hold closest to me. I fear I will bring the rain to Lórien, my peaceful and golden home. The rain does not fall there, but I do not feel that it will ever stop.

I miss you all. Namárië.

Stars at Echad Dúnnan

Greetings from Nan Sirannon. After bypassing the encampment to look down upon the entrance to Moria from the Stair Falls, Thalya and I have gone slightly north and returned to the outpost of Echad Dúnnan, and may trace our path back to Echad Eregion, should our fate lead there. There are many tasks to be completed, here… A welcome reprieve from the soul-chilling horrors of Angmar, but I am sure dark times lie ahead.  I can feel it. For now, however, I have to share a small pleasure and a big problem.

The stars outside of Echad Dúnnan are so beautiful – the sky is clear and I feel like I can see forever.  Sitting in the dry grass near these once-beautiful ruins and looking up at the clear night sky almost makes me forget that this place is so dangerous.  The wolves howl outside and I hear the flutter of bat wings. The gates to Moria lie so close, to the south. Caradhras looms to the north. I am restless.

And the problem: I’ve received disturbing news from Bree and I must return, as I am called to do so.  This problem is upon my head, I believe it could stem from deeds done for my sake. There is great gravity to the situation and it needs to come to a resolution other than the ones I can forsee without my intervention.  Worry not about me, there must be some… Misunderstanding.  I cannot say what awaits me there. I must say that I always feel some flicker of hope in returning there, even under unfavorable circumstances.

I know I will be delayed on my return to Lórien, and Thalya will be upset with me. I can’t say that I am eager to enter the uneasy darkness of the tunnels beneath the mountains. Serious business in Bree… or the darkness of Moria?  It is a difficult decision, and I think my emotional ties are influencing me.  I must go back before I go forward.  Back further than Echad Eregion.

Namárië.

The Stair Falls

From the top of the stair falls, where I stood at sunset with Thalya, I can see the entrance to Moria. I feel uneasy about the path home.  The legendary mines we are about to enter are uncharted and dangerous – I have done enough wandering in cold, damp darkness underground. Every day I wonder why I have made the decision to return for a time, but Thalya says it is time and I haven’t put up an argument.

This place is barren.  When I look west, I imagine I can see back to Bree.  And when I look north, I imagine I can see to Rivendell.  And then I look east, and when I try to imagine that I can see home… I see a dark, wet hole in the ground.  Maybe I have changed too much to come home – my mind is already dark with the things I have seen, and I fear I am bound to see more.  

I question the judgement of opening that which has been sealed.  Long has this once great, abandoned path been left to stew in its own evil. A long, dangerous journey lies before us, and I’m not sure I’m ready to make it. 

Namárië.