Thinking of Home

 
valaraen

 

I have been doing much thinking, especially after my meeting with the Ent, an ancient being who makes our lives, how many things we’ve seen done and undone, empires falling and rising…  Their existence makes even our kind’s immortality seem so short.  It gave me some perspective.

I’m beginning to wonder two things.  First of all… How could anyone leave somewhere such as this, a world with this kind of potential?  We seem to have succumbed to boredom, depression, hopelessness.  I can understand it all, but we are to give up?  Not attempt to integrate or stay here?  There’s so much out here, the nuances of it are things that cannot be read in books, cannot be seen in pictures, cannot be touched seen without direct experiece.  After I’ve seen this, how I want to leave?!  I know, that when I return, I will have to gather up my diary and leave, with all our kind  – it seems inevitable.

But WHY?  

The Ent-kind are far more ancient than even we, yet they have not given up and died.  They have not decided that it’s pointless to stay and time to abandon this place. So why will we?  Why, when there is much to see and do, if only you look?!  At home, underlying the peaceful serenity and isolation, I felt a current of discontent and perhaps exhaustion among us.  More and more  all the time, the talk and the preparation and more talks and decisions and talks…  The talk of leaving to the West.

And what did I do?  I left.  I went out, found my way to the outside world, and in a roughly covered, horse drawn wagon, rode the long, long trip to Ered Luin.  I couldn’t take any more depressing, gloomy talk that seemed so unfit in the silver and gold lit trees and platforms of our home.  Do not misunderstand me, friends.  All of you are in my heart and my home is in my mind every day and night, here in a strange world bereft of the glowing beauty and comfort of Lórien.

Sometimes I wonder… am I running away from this fate?  Am I going to plant my feet firmly and say “NO! I won’t go!” when the time comes and I am called away with the rest of my people to Valinor?  I don’t know.  I don’t even know if that can be done.  Perhaps it is in my blood to follow that path – perhaps it is not.

Secondly, why is my rather uncommon second name of interest to the ancient ones?  Is there something they know of my past, my ancestors, that I do not?  I have never found “Avariquen” to be anything other than unusual and well chosen.  It is in honor of those who came before me, of my family, it is a good name. Am I more than just myself?  How?  Why?

The story of my ancestors seems lost to the mists of time.

There are so many unanswered questions and I’m not sure what to make of it all right now.

But I’ll always send my love home to you.  Namárië.

Advertisements

3 Responses to Thinking of Home

  1. Thalya Flourishing says:

    In Rivendell there is great knowledge. Seek the Histories of Elrond.

  2. Thank you, Thalya. Your advice, thus far, has always been sound and I truly appreciate it. The sheer number of tomes on our kind’s history seem as though they could never be read, not even in a lifetime such as ours. I’ve nowhere to start – no idea where to start, even. Perhaps you can lend me your guidance into subjects which may be relevant to my search. As presumptuous as it may sound, perhaps, if he is not busy, I could consult Lord Elrond himself – it is after all his own library, and he knows much… perhaps he knows the answer to my strange etymological question.

  3. Curulindë says:

    Re: “The Ent-kind are far more ancient than even we, yet they have not given up and died.”

    Actually, the Quendi (Elves) preceded the Onodrim (Ent-people) in creation. As Fangorn (Treebeard) himself says:

    ‘Learn now the lore of Living Creatures!
    First name the four, the free peoples:
    Eldest of all, the elf-children;
    Dwarf the delver, dark are his houses;
    Ent the earthborn, old as mountains;
    Man the mortal, master of horses…’
    (‘Treebeard’, The Two Towers)

    The creation of the Ents is also mentioned in The Silmarillion in the chapter ‘Of Aulë and Yavanna’. Manwë, the Lord of the Valar, says to Yavanna:

    ‘..When the Children awake, then the thought of Yavanna will awake also, and it will summon spirits from afar, and they will go among the kelvar [animals] and the olvar [plants], and some will dwell therein, and be held in reverence, and their just anger shall be feared. For a time: while the Firstborn [i.e., the Elves] are in their power, and while the Secondborn [i.e., Men] are young…

    …In the mountains the Eagles shall house, and hear the voices of those who call upon us. But in the forests shall walk the Shepherds of the Trees.’

    It is true that as the Third Age comes to an end so, too, ends the time of the Elves. However, the time of the Ents is nearly over as well, and they do not have the Havens to flee to. As seen in these two passages, Treebeard and the Ents know this well:

    ‘Why are there so few, when you have lived in this country so long?’ asked Pippin. ‘Have a great many died?’
    ‘Oh, no! said Treebeard. ‘None have died from inside, as you might say…But there were never many of us and we have not increased. There have been no Entings–no children, you would say, not for a terrible long count of years. You see, we lost the Entwives.’ (‘Treebeard’, The Two Towers)

    ‘Of course, it is likely enough, my friends,” he said slowly, ‘likely enough that we are going to our doom: the last march of the Ents. But if we stayed home and did nothing, doom would find us anyway, sooner or later. That thought has been growing in our hearts…But there, my friends, songs like trees bear fruit only in their own time and their own way: and sometimes they are withered untimely.’ (‘Treebeard’, The Two Towers)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: