Exhaustion

Greetings all!  I’m very sorry for my infrequent communication lately.  I’m not sure that what I write is readable or enjoyable anymore.  In fact, I’m not sure what to think about anything anymore.  The world around me has become nothing but darkness.  I feel like there’s so little I can do – and I’m standing here, much like in the picture, feeling like there’s nothing that can possibly stop all of this.

Sometimes I think maybe it’s time for me to withdraw from this place for a while.  I miss my old friends, I miss the feeling of exciting adventure I had before.  This is a different kind of adventure.  This is the real world, where I stand counted among the number of those more powerful and capable than I am.  Maybe, I wonder, I am a hindrance.  It’s not clear why they accept me into their fold – I’m so inexperienced, and I feel so young.

I didn’t feel that way before.  I didn’t feel that I had the weight of saving the world on my shoulders.  I had the feeling that I was running around having adventures, seeing an exciting new world.  That was before I unexpectedly ran too far away and disappeared from their lives.  Before I knew the evil that threatens to overcome this entire land.  Before I knew why our kind, as a whole, felt so hopeless and ready to abandon everything and disappear to the west, where we will be away from all of this.

I’ve made up my mind, to go back to Rivendell, or even Bree, wherever I can rest my mind.  While I understand, now, the reasons for our kind to leave…  I can’t abandon this life that I’ve accepted, and these responsibilities.  I can’t abandon my friends and compatriots.  But I can escape it.  I need to rest, think for a while – I don’t know how I will ask for some reprieve before we continue this fight against this foreboding darkness that is starting to get to me.  Hopefully, when you hear from me next, it will be a much happier story.  I am so tired, I cannot even write any more tonight, except to say that I send my love to you all.

Namárië.

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