We are at the gates to Carn Dúm – I feel quite the same here as I felt when I first the gates to Angmar with Haarland a long time ago, in Ram Duath. I was scared and uncertain by the sight, as I am now, and was glad to be in the company of the friends I had known since I first arrived. This sense of intense uncertainty is familiar to me by now and though Thalya is here it seems much more real and unavoidable. Thankfully, we have wisely declined to enter, for the moment. I do not think she will pull away for long, and we will enter these gates at some point – unlike before, when my companion and I returned to the safety and warmth of Esteldin and then Bree.
Worse, this surreal landscape, with a red sky and barren rocks, is full of huge, repulsive spiders. The spiders are the worst part – oh, how I hate them! I can only stand so much of being taken to dark caves, ravines and forests full of these horrid arachnids. It seems to be a sickening surprise, as though my friends lead me to these web-strewn hellholes. I wonder, sometimes, whether they take me to these places on purpose, to see me squirm and recoil – though I put my trust in them and hope they do not.
If I never see another spider, I will be happy beyond measure. Damn them, and damn the arachnid infestation. Of all the horrific sights, and all the evil and darkness I have come to face… These abhorrent creatures are what make me want to turn and run straight to the safety and beauty and calm of Lórien, where I will never see another monstrous spider.
Thalya and I will soon seek the refuge of Men in this bizarre place. It cannot come soon enough, my discomfort and fear have exponentially grown.
I am here, in the lands surrounding Carn Dúm… But believe me, my thoughts and heart are in Lórien.