The Unwilling

 

Occasionally I have time to read, study and be alone.  It feels good from time to time to sit down and return to the life I used to have, in a way… But there is too much to do and see, here.  Perhaps it is in my blood.  Through my interest in the past, and subsequent studies, I’ve discovered the source of my rather unique name.  My ancestors were called the Avari, The Unwilling – having refused the summons of the Valar to dwell in Valinor.  I suppose that answers the question of my unique name, and rather amuses me, given the path in life I’ve chosen.  Whether this was known when I was given this name is unclear, but I have certainly lived up to its origin.

How strange it is to have changed so quickly, after a lifetime.  Nothing is certain anymore, and I feel very comfortable with that. Someday I know I will return, I am lonely sometimes, for the company of those among whom I lived out many long years.  But I feel, like my forebears, unwilling to depart entirely. So much is happening right now, I’ll write as soon as I can.  Sometimes I feel compelled to avail you of my thoughts — I keep my them private from those with whom I now associate. I hope everyone is well – I miss you.

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