November 30, 2008
Greetings from Nan Sirannon. After bypassing the encampment to look down upon the entrance to Moria from the Stair Falls, Thalya and I have gone slightly north and returned to the outpost of Echad Dúnnan, and may trace our path back to Echad Eregion, should our fate lead there. There are many tasks to be completed, here… A welcome reprieve from the soul-chilling horrors of Angmar, but I am sure dark times lie ahead. I can feel it. For now, however, I have to share a small pleasure and a big problem.
The stars outside of Echad Dúnnan are so beautiful – the sky is clear and I feel like I can see forever. Sitting in the dry grass near these once-beautiful ruins and looking up at the clear night sky almost makes me forget that this place is so dangerous. The wolves howl outside and I hear the flutter of bat wings. The gates to Moria lie so close, to the south. Caradhras looms to the north. I am restless.
And the problem: I’ve received disturbing news from Bree and I must return, as I am called to do so. This problem is upon my head, I believe it could stem from deeds done for my sake. There is great gravity to the situation and it needs to come to a resolution other than the ones I can forsee without my intervention. Worry not about me, there must be some… Misunderstanding. I cannot say what awaits me there. I must say that I always feel some flicker of hope in returning there, even under unfavorable circumstances.
I know I will be delayed on my return to Lórien, and Thalya will be upset with me. I can’t say that I am eager to enter the uneasy darkness of the tunnels beneath the mountains. Serious business in Bree… or the darkness of Moria? It is a difficult decision, and I think my emotional ties are influencing me. I must go back before I go forward. Back further than Echad Eregion.
November 28, 2008
From the top of the stair falls, where I stood at sunset with Thalya, I can see the entrance to Moria. I feel uneasy about the path home. The legendary mines we are about to enter are uncharted and dangerous – I have done enough wandering in cold, damp darkness underground. Every day I wonder why I have made the decision to return for a time, but Thalya says it is time and I haven’t put up an argument.
This place is barren. When I look west, I imagine I can see back to Bree. And when I look north, I imagine I can see to Rivendell. And then I look east, and when I try to imagine that I can see home… I see a dark, wet hole in the ground. Maybe I have changed too much to come home – my mind is already dark with the things I have seen, and I fear I am bound to see more.
I question the judgement of opening that which has been sealed. Long has this once great, abandoned path been left to stew in its own evil. A long, dangerous journey lies before us, and I’m not sure I’m ready to make it.
November 26, 2008
Greetings from the town of Gwingris – although I’d say it’s more of an “outpost” than a town. The area is quite dangerous. The woods here are alive with trolls. Wood trolls. The very trees of the forest here are alive and hostile. I’m becoming quite apprehensive about this whole idea – it seems that the closer I get to the path home, the more questionable the path becomes.
I don’t remember it being this dangerous on the journey to Ered Luin – but this was not the path on which I traveled. I was nervous then, too. Hour by hour, I’m questioning my decision to pay a visit to my homeland.
But beyond the danger, beyond the apprehension – this place is beautiful. The wide sky over the grassy plain, dotted here and there with trees to the south. The buildings, or what remains, are beautiful. I will focus on these things and try to be less negative. What I lack now, that I once had, is a sense of the beauty around me – it’s so difficult to recover after so long steeped in the sulfurous haze of Angmar. I will fight to keep that alive within myself.
November 24, 2008
Thalya and I had a discussion the other day. A discussion about what must be done in my life. About how I’ve reached a point from which I need to make a decision, a Choice, and go back to my homeland.
I agreed to return to Lórien, to have a temporary homecoming and visit. Yet again I delay making this Choice I know I must make, the decisions I must make regarding my course in life. Visiting my home is something to which I acquiesce, with reservations.
When I went away with Thalya to Rivendell, my mind and heart were heavy with guilt and remorse for disappearing. Laying on a silvery bench watching the waterfalls and cascades of sweet smelling flowers reminded me of home. It gave me a pang of homesickness, with which I tried to conceal my heartache and guilt and wondered if I would ever return to where I’d been.
Thalya speaks to me often of these things I am meant to do, of the orders of Círdan, the orders of Elrond… And we are drawn into ever more evil, more darkness. My golden, glowing home in the trees never sounded so good as when she and I were hiding in a rocky outpost in Angmar, the sky cracked, glowing a sickly shade blood, the ground burnt and dry underfoot. Or during an assault on Carn Dum when I was nearly killed by unspeakable horrors in the very bowels of a dungeon, cave, tunnel… I don’t even know what to call it. Every one is more horrific than the last. The evil is tangible, and I yet feel the shadow of Angmar upon my soul.
I’m coming home. I’m coming home. It feels strange to write it.
November 15, 2008
Greetings from Angmar, again. I’m fine, really – things get better, things get worse, I get tired and I think about home. I’m not really sure what I was expecting when I left home and came over the mountains to this place. I certainly wasn’t expecting to find myself in Carn Dum (again), in the heart of a damp and slimy cave, under attack by tentacles. Or standing on collapsing pillars, trying to fire arrows in rapid succession at an unspeakably horrid creature rising from the middle of a pool of acid. Sometimes I ask myself “When did I get picked to save the world?”
There seems to have been a lot of talk about my “destiny” lately. Since when do I have some impressive “destiny?!” I am not special. It feels like there’s some sort of conspiracy to which I am not party. Thalya has told me that I must have great things in store for me. Haarland wrote to me that my destiny is far greater than his.
When I came here, I didn’t ask for destiny. I planned to see things, do things, meet people unlike myself. Somehow, though, I find myself in the fray of an almost impossible struggle to keep back a growing darkness. And I stay here and I feel like I have to stand up and fight for those I have grown to love, and in hopes that this will never reach those of you I left behind.
November 8, 2008
Hello everyone… We are back in Evendim, it seems as though I’ve been spending much time here recently. Thalya and I recently visited a place high in the rocky hills of at the northernmost shore of Lake Evendim. At the top of the beautiful waterfall that pours into the lake, there is a still and beautiful pool and a grassy, rocky place from which you can see down the gorge and into this pool of pristine water.
Things cannot be as they were, I’ve been through too much in too little time. I think I now see the downside of the short and turbulent lives of those who are mortal creatures. How can they stand to see so much in so short a time as this? But… I realize that they must. How painfully short and final their lives seem, just a brief flicker in time.
This is the calm before the storm, however. I unfortunately do not have time to waste lost in my own philosophical thoughts. Tomorrow we leave again, to meet with others in the hills of Angmar and go deep into the heart of Carn Dum. Sometimes I don’t know why I fight for this place, but I think about those I’d leave behind to face this darkness and I have to do something about it.
I have choices to make, choices about which I do not wish to think. I hope everyone is well, I yet miss you all and every day I think of the light and beauty I left behind… And I wonder where home is, now. Please forgive me for my despondent writings of late. With dark times comes a heavy heart and a longing for peace and affection. Maybe it is time to see my homelands again.