December 31, 2008
This is possibly the last letter you will receive from me before I return home! I am currently in Rivendell, preparing to travel back to Moria in a few short hours, and then press forward via the fastest route possible to emerge through the gates to Lothlorien. It will take some time, but I will be there relatively quickly, I hope. As much as I now long to see the gold and silver light of home, I do not want to leave.
A dear friend of mine fell out of favor with a group of criminals in Bree. He desperately called out to me for help, and I came to him. I found him badly injured and presumably left to languish and die in the Lone Lands, where he begged to be taken somewhere he would not be found.
So I brought Haarland to Rivendell. This place is calm and beautiful, far from the danger and loneliness and suffering I feel as though I caused when I disappeared all that time ago. He wants a new life, here, and I will give one to him. I took him to a small island in the middle of an all but hidden spring in the northern area of Rivendell, and after gaining permission, told him that he could stay here as long as he would like.
Having been able to do this makes me unspeakably happy. And we stood there under the stars, speechless. He seemed as though he wished to say something, but chose to remain silent. So, I told him to rest and that I would be gone in the morning, and gave him one of the two mallorn leaves I have carried since I left home.
I am now writing this letter, which will reach home before I do. But I promise, there will be no delay this time. I will be home with as much haste as Thalya and I can manage. I don’t even care whether she will be furious with me. I’ve done what I feel in my heart and soul is the right thing to do.
December 29, 2008
Warmest regards from the cold, damp chambers of Moria. Thalya and I rode from Mirobel last night, and descended into the depths of this vast, overwhelming place. It’s unbelievable – for all these long years I’ve heard of this place, read the books, even seen drawings… But I cannot even begin to comprehend the massive scale of this abandoned underground world. It is as if the ancient dwarves who dwelt here were building a temple to themselves… yet keeping their mines close by to satisfy their obsessive need for material riches.
And the bridges… Long, arching rock bridges over fissures in the rock that seem bottomless. Perhaps they are. But the horrifying part is this – they do not have railings. If you slip, you fall into the abyss. How could someone have created this architectural travesty in an environment such as this?
I do not think that the dark secrets of the past have gone away, just because they were shut away. I do think that opening the way in, to that which was sealed, was astonishingly foolish. I can feel this cold feeling in my chest, the feeling that something is not right with this place.
We are not yet far from the entrance. Still close enough to flee, should we need to. But I am keeping in mind that Lórien is on the other side of this abhorrent labyrinth. I was reluctant to visit home… but I can think of nothing but how much I want to leave this place and breathe the air outside.
December 12, 2008
My regards from Echad Mirobel… This picturesque place is built into the mountainside in the far reaches of Eregion. The idyllic afternoon sky under which I stand is rather deceiving. Though they should be, my spirits are not high, though I have been moderately successful in throwing myself into the dangers of routing the Uruk-hai from the ruined confines of the school on the hill. I thought perhaps I would feel some release of my sadness through this epic encounter, but I was wrong.
It is dimly lit and given in to the decay of time, but once, the building must have been beautiful. Its beauty remains only as an echo. A welcoming place it was not. It was overrun with the servants of the Enemy, evil Men given in to the lust for power, wealth or bloodshed, and the Uruk-hai captains under whose power they were held. I will not speak of the events that came to pass within those cold and mossy walls, it is unsavory enough to have been a party to it.
There were but three of us – at Echad Mirobel, we allied ourselves with a like-minded individual by the name of Curutian and made our way to the ruins of the seminary . This deed was a long and arduous battle, but at the end, the school’s halls were once again devoid of any living creatures but us. Upon return to Mirobel, we parted ways with heartfelt thanks and respect for our ally.
And now, a much deserved rest. I am alone with my thoughts and my loneliness and the colors of the setting sun upon the clouds. My hope is that this letter finds you all in good health and happiness.
December 11, 2008
My greetings to you all. We seem stuck here in Hollin, at Echad Eregion, again. As if I brought the rain with me, it is gray and cloudy here, as it was in Andrath from whence I last wrote. Thalya and I are counting down the final days here, above ground, I think. We shall soon travel to Mirobel to fulfill a request, and from there… From there I believe we will travel, at last, to Moria.
I cannot say this is something to which I am looking forward. But an avalanche has rendered Caradhras impassable, as if to force us underground for this long journey. My heart does not feel any less heavy, but I’ve done my best to hide my feelings. As we readied for our journey, Thalya asked what had gotten into me.
I thought I could feel my heart breaking, and for a moment I almost lost control, put my arms around Thalya and cry and cry and told the whole story. But I kept composure, detachment, though I think my sadness is showing through. I said “I feel like… I feel like it’s never going to stop raining.” She stopped for a moment and turned towards me. She looked into my eyes and told me “Rain is a blessing.”
Maybe it is. It is as though I do not have to cry my own tears. And when I do, they wash down my face unnoticed.
Please do not worry about me – I shall do my best to overcome this. Namárië.
December 4, 2008
It’s raining in Andrath right now.
I lay here, silent, in the wet grass, and I feel and hear the rain falling all around me. And now I’ve come to realize that I’ve become someone different. What I did today, without thinking, was an uncontrolled reaction to my feelings. A passionate desire, almost an instinct, to protect someone to whom I feel I am bound. But I feel as though all I have done is prove how far away I now am. This cannot be undone, though all I painfully wish is to regain what I’ve lost. To regain a missing sense of happiness to warm how cold I feel inside.
My heart aches and I want nothing more than to lay here in the grass forever, looking up into the dark, green trees of this land. Can this rain not wash away the hurt and pain and darkness? How long must I lay here? And I wonder… if this what mortality feels like. All these long years I have lived without the feeling that I cannot control my own actions. I may be impulsive, but never before have I been dangerously careless and blinded by emotion . Can anyone live like this?
You will not recognize me, now. Nobody can – not even those I hold closest to me. I fear I will bring the rain to Lórien, my peaceful and golden home. The rain does not fall there, but I do not feel that it will ever stop.
I miss you all. Namárië.